Real Life Heroes Fart

Heroes are basically the same, especially romantic heroes. They may vary in size, coloring and ethnicity, but they are nearly always physically fit and nicely toned. Every woman wants him and every man wants to be him. It’s not just the romance hero either. Action heroes exhibit these same characteristics—and more often than not, action and suspense books/movies have a hint of romance. 

In the Bourne Identify, Jason Bourne has Marie St. Jacques. Jack Ryan "Clear and Present Danger" and "Patriot Games" has his wife.

 

In the Indiana Jones films, “Indie” successfully pursues an artifact and a woman. There’s even a romantic subplot in the Terminator movies.

And while James Bond isn’t monogamous, he always gets the girl. Or girls. He even gets married in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service.” He falls so madly in love with his wife, Tracy, he’s willing to give up his career and his free-loving bachelor ways.

Whether our hero is from a romance novel or an action movie, he’s going to come out on top no matter what the villain or life throws at him. Oh, they may lose a skirmish, but our hero is always the victor.

Heroes are never lazy, and they’re never slobs. They may get dirty in the jungle or after a brawl, but they clean up nicely afterwards and they never have morning breath. They don’t procrastinate or whine and although they may have an odd quirk, a hero has good manners and is never rude. 

In real life, heroes fart. And morning sex usually requires turned heads or a quick dash to the bathroom for a rinse or a brush—especially if your real life hero ate oysters and drank beer the night before. Otherwise, that sour smell coming from both your mouths could ruin the moment.

Trust me, there’s nothing romantic about morning breath. Or farting. I know. Woman pass gas too. But it’s not usually a source of amusement for them. Fictional heroes would never fart in the bed just before his lover joins him.

My real life hero not only passes gas in bed, he once had the bright idea to fart beneath the covers and then pull them over my head. OMG! I thought I was going to die. He laughed uncontrollably. I threatened to vomit on his crotch. 

It wasn’t his finest moment. But he’s still my hero, even after thirty-one years of marriage.

My husband with our youngest when she was7

He’s not rich, powerful, or titled. He doesn’t own his own business and he’s not a CEO. But he’s a dedicated, hardworking, responsible man who puts his family first.

Hubby with oldest when she
was 3

He’s a wonderful father and supportive husband.   

He stood by me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. He never hesitated to lift my handicapped sister from her wheelchair and carry her to the car or the sofa when she still had the muscle control to sit alone. 

He didn’t complain when I wanted to take her on a family beach trip either. He even pushed her chair through the sand so she could sit on the beach.

And since I became a published author, he does the laundry more often than I do. He’s not the role model for any of my romance heroes, but Devin Flannery from Wholesale Husband reminds me of him.