Friday, November 18, 2011

Real Life Heroes Fart

Heroes are basically the same, especially romantic heroes. They may vary in size, coloring and ethnicity, but they are nearly always physically fit and nicely toned. Every woman wants him and every man wants to be him. It’s not just the romance hero either. Action heroes exhibit these same characteristics—and more often than not, action and suspense books/movies have a hint of romance. 

In the Bourne Identify, Jason Bourne has Marie St. Jacques. Jack Ryan "Clear and Present Danger" and "Patriot Games" has his wife.
In the Indiana Jones films, “Indie” successfully pursues an artifact and a woman. There’s even a romantic subplot in the Terminator movies.

And while James Bond isn’t monogamous, he always gets the girl. Or girls. He even gets married in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service.” He falls so madly in love with his wife, Tracy, he’s willing to give up his career and his free-loving bachelor ways.

Whether our hero is from a romance novel or an action movie, he’s going to come out on top no matter what the villain or life throws at him. Oh, they may lose a skirmish, but our hero is always the victor.

Heroes are never lazy, and they’re never slobs. They may get dirty in the jungle or after a brawl, but they clean up nicely afterwards and they never have morning breath. They don’t procrastinate or whine and although they may have an odd quirk, a hero has good manners and is never rude. 

In real life, heroes fart. And morning sex usually requires turned heads or a quick dash to the bathroom for a rinse or a brush—especially if your real life hero ate oysters and drank beer the night before. Otherwise, that sour smell coming from both your mouths could ruin the moment.

Trust me, there’s nothing romantic about morning breath. Or farting. I know. Woman pass gas too. But it’s not usually a source of amusement for them. Fictional heroes would never fart in the bed just before his lover joins him.

My real life hero not only passes gas in bed, he once had the bright idea to fart beneath the covers and then pull them over my head. OMG! I thought I was going to die. He laughed uncontrollably. I threatened to vomit on his crotch. 

It wasn’t his finest moment. But he’s still my hero, even after thirty-one years of marriage.
My husband with our youngest when she was7
He’s not rich, powerful, or titled. He doesn’t own his own business and he’s not a CEO. But he’s a dedicated, hardworking, responsible man who puts his family first.

Hubby with oldest when she
was 3

He’s a wonderful father and supportive husband.   

He stood by me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. He never hesitated to lift my handicapped sister from her wheelchair and carry her to the car or the sofa when she still had the muscle control to sit alone. 

He didn’t complain when I wanted to take her on a family beach trip either. He even pushed her chair through the sand so she could sit on the beach.

And since I became a published author, he does the laundry more often than I do. He’s not the role model for any of my romance heroes, but Devin Flannery from Wholesale Husband reminds me of him.


  1. Great post, Lilly! Sounds like you have a wonderful hero, farts and all.
    PS - What is it about men that they find farts son funny? And the stinkier the better.....??

  2. Great post, Lilly Gail, and I had to chuckle when I read the title. My fictional hero, Bull Dawson, farts in the teaser for A Marshal of Her Own due out the 23rd. I was so surprised when my editor put that scene in the opening of the book.

    Sounds like you have a keeper like mine.

  3. Linda,
    That sounds like a great teaser. Can't get more real than a hero who farts. I'm definitely adding this one to my TBR list!

  4. I love this post, Lilly. You are so right. Real heroes do fart. But they also love us unconditionally, and I think that is where the real romance lies. Yep, my dh leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, sometimes forgets his damp towel in the closet and is generally an all around "guy", but I wouldn't take him any other way.

  5. Lovely post, Lilly. Your hero sounds fabulous. We have so many heroes in our lives. My hero has grey, kinky hair and stooped shoulders. But he is behind me all the way in my writing career (He's running the vacuum as I write this). He's a retired teacher who goes to elementary schools to read to them and will be helping them write letters to Santa this year. He frets over my grandchildren's grades and decisions. He treats them to things I never think about. I put a touch of him in every hero I create, so they all have his sterling quality.

  6. Loved the post, Lilly! Another thing men find funny is lighting farts. My hubby never did that in front of me, but he goes into gales of laughter when he hears about it.

  7. AJ, my husband does the same thing. I don't mind the underwear on the bathroom floor so much as I hate the socks in the living room. Esp. since the dog likes to use them for chew toys and scatters them about willy nilly. But you're right. It's the fact that they still loves me when our faces break out, or noses or snotty or in some cases, when we go temporarily bald.

    Vonnie, Calvin is a rare jewel.

    That is too funny! To my knowledge my husband has never lit a fart either, though he finds it just as funny as your husband does. BTW, if a man farts inside a refrigerator and closes the door, it traps the fart inside. How do I know this? Because my cousin did this years ago when my grandmother was still alive. It was Thanksgiving. He farted in the fridge and dashed back to his seat at the kitchen table. When my grandmother came in from the dining room to get something out of the fridge, she gagged. She spent the next five minutes searching the fridge to see what had gone bad.

  8. LOL, isn't it funny how grown up men find bodily functions so amusing. Of course, I raised three boys and that's where it all starts. They never completely grow up, but that might be a man's ultimate charm--seeing the little boy in him.

    But my husband is still my real life hero. He even lifted me out of his truck to a wheelchair to take me into the emergency room when I broke my knee last summer. A hero is always there when you need him.

  9. Hi Lilly,
    Great blog. Your real life hero sounds like my kind of man, a man who sticks by you through thick and thin. What more could we women really want? The smell of a fart doesn't last for ever, but the love of a good man does. My hubby aint half bad either.



  10. "The smell of a fart doesn't last for ever, but the love of a good man does."

    Margaret, I love this line! Too funny. You should write romantic comedy as well as historical romance and use this line to brand your romantic comedies. lol!

    Love it!

  11. I think your hero and mine were twins in another life. Gotta love those real life heroes- gas, bad humor and all.

  12. We'd be truly lost without our flatulent heroes! Great post, Lilly.

  13. Calisa, is your guy a car nut too? Mine's addicted to the SPEED channel.

    Thanks Maeve.I was a bit lost Thursday night as I tried to think of a post for Friday. Then my husband came to bed. Let's just say something hit me as he crawled under the covers that really inspired this blog post. lol!

  14. Actually, Lily Gail, it's the one that doesn't have a release date yet--A Love of His Own. My mind is over worked right now. Have a blog tour started Wednesday.

  15. Let us know when you have a release date!

  16. Your husband reminds me of mine and what a wonderful guy he was. They both enjoy the same things and I am so thankful that you have such a loving man, nothing like it! Love this post, especially the picture of your sister!

  17. Thanks Becky. It is a good picture of Cindy, isn't it?