Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Soul Mate Debate

Do you believe in soul mates? Do you think there’s one perfect person for everyone? That we’re two halves of a separated whole, destined to find our other half? Or do you believe there are endless possibilities when it comes to love and once we find it, it takes two dedicated souls to make it last?

A soul mate is one's other half. That one person who makes us whole--a true companion or lover with whom we are meant to spend our lives.

Another definition of a soul mate is someone with whom we share many experiences in different lifetimes. Soul mates can be friends, siblings, parents, or lovers. But with each relationship, there is a deep and abiding love or a spiritual bond that connects the two in a profound and meaningful way.

My youngest daughter believes a soul mate is that one person who can make you happy and fits perfectly in your life--but it doesn’t always work out. She also believes other people can make you happy without being your soul mate.

It’s an interesting philosophy but I disagree. If you’re happy with someone, why would you not believe he/she is your soul mate if you believe in such things? And if you believe you’ve found your soul mate and it doesn’t work out, are you destined to spend your life alone? Or fake happiness with someone else?

Perhaps my daughter believes in soul mates because she’s grown up with two loving parents who love one another, have always been faithful, and were never married to anyone else. But even loving my husband the way I do, I don’t believe in soul mates. I just don’t think there’s one single person out there specifically designed to “complete” us and make us happy.

Frankly, I don’t think anyone should wait around for another person to make them happy. Happiness comes from within, and if you rely on someone else to make you happy, then you’ll spend the rest of your life blaming someone else for your misery.

No, I don’t believe in soul mates, but I am a romantic. And I believe in love at first sight, happily ever after, and true love.

True love is the kind of love you feel when the person you’re with gives you a confidence you never had before. When you find true love, there isn’t a question. You just know it’s right. You may know it the moment you meet, or it may take a while to develop. But whether it’s love at first sight or a love that grows over time, true love comes from a deep and natural affinity between two people who are compatible spiritually, sexually, and emotionally.

True love lasts a lifetime—until death do you part.

I’ve been happily married for thirty years, but I’d hate to think that if one of us died, the other would be left alone and lonely until death. If I died tomorrow, I’d like to think my husband would eventually find someone else to love the way he’s loved me. Love is too special and too wonderful not to believe in second or even third chances.

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Love never fails.

And for me, believing in true love is more comforting than believing in soul mates.

So, where do you stand on the soul mate debate?

Leaving a comment today could put you in the running to win a Kindle! This post is part of the Fool For Romance Contest. See contest rules at: http://www.crystalrainlove.com/foolforromance.htm.


  1. I believe that there are people who are all connected in a life beyond this physical one. I think the love we can show while here on Earth is a pale comparison of the love in Heaven.

    Love while here on Earth is mostly centered around a set of conditions that the other person meets. For example, you meet someone who you fall in love with. In two years, that person changes to become an alcoholic, crack using thief who physically beats you black and blue every night. You'll still love who the person *was* but not the one they became.

    In Heaven, love is unconditional. Here on Earth, love is conditional.

    wv_mark at yahoo.com

  2. Nice post, Mark. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, but not necessarily a soulmate. I am a romantic at heart and want everyone out there to meet that person who makes them truly happy so they can have their happily ever after. Our Father loves us unconditionally and so should we.

  3. I personally agree with the definition that says a soul mate is someone with whom we share many experiences in different lifetimes. I believe there are many people we could CHOOSE to be happy with but nothing is as complete and as eternally fulfilling as joining with your soul mate. It's almost a sigh of recognition and "coming home at last". And, believe me, it really exists.

  4. I agree with you, Lilly. True love lasts a lifetime—until death do you part, but in my case, I still feel as I am one with my husband even though I am now a widow! I also agree with Mark, in Heaven, love is unconditional, but I feel this now on earth! As Jennifer said, our Father loves us unconditionally and so should we. I try to practice that everyday!

  5. I find it hard to believe that there is "unconditional" love here on Earth. If we look at unconditional as having no influences upon it, then no matter what our spouse does, we should love them. At any point, if you get mad, upset, stubborn, argumentative, etc, then you have just put "conditions" on your feelings towards your spouse/significant other. Your feelings of love changed at those moments, even if only by small measures. It no longer is "unconditional".

    Now, I'm not saying that there isn't some very strong love out there. I think there is. I think it can be strong and powerful and overcome a lot of obstacles. But, I just have a hard time defining it as unconditional as you'd get in Heaven. We do the best we can while on Earth, but I don't think it ever reaches the levels we have in Heaven.


  6. I ABSOLUTELY believe in soulmates. My husband and I are from totally different backgrounds, upbringings, sides of the tracks, and he's 20 years younger than I am. But from the time we connected ten years ago, we have so many identical preferences in foods, music, just about everything, it's as though we had fit together before. Perhaps it was in a previous life, perhaps it's just where we've been led this time, but we are convinced that we BELONG together. We've both been married before, and it was nothing at all like this feeling of "rightness". Great post!

  7. I believe in soul mates but I also believe that we can have many soul mates. My husband is not perfect nor is our marriage but I can't ever see being with anyone else. He loves me but more importantly he seems to get me better than anyone else.

  8. If by “soul mate” you mean the single perfect person to “complete” us, then I disagree. First, we need to find happiness within ourselves. Second, your mate should be your “complement” (like wine and cheese), but not needed to “complete” you because you are already a complete entity (the wine or cheese). You and your mate should bring out the best in each other. (In a sense, our closest friends are also our “soul mates.”)

    We all like the romantic fantasy - to meet, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after with that perfect person - and that’s why romance is the hottest selling market out there! ;-)

    rrgreene at earthlink dot net

  9. Wow! What great feedback and opinions you all have. I love these replies.

    And Mark makes a valid point. I don't think humans are capable of unconditional love. We may strive for it, but we fall short. Yet, as imperfect as we are, God loves us perfectly. And unconditionally.

    Humans, on the other hand, are ruled by our emotions. And if love is the foundation of a lasting relationship, then anger, hurt, and disappointment are the elements that can erode that foundation. Life isn't always easy but we have to learn from our mistakes and forgive others for theirs. And the real meaning of love isn't "never having to say you're sorry." It's "don't do anything for which you need to apologize and if you do, apologize sincerely and mean it!"

  10. Rebecca, I love "your mate should be your “complement” (like wine and cheese." What a perfect way to phrase it.

  11. Hi Barbara,
    You give us all hope if you found a soulmate!

    I agree with you about love, God, and foundations.

    Great posts!


  12. Even if there is a soul mate for each of us, you still have to both work at the relationship. I have been married for over 40 years, and undoubtedly we were meant to be, but at times it was not easy, but we were never close to calling it quits. This was a great post.


  13. So true Judy! Love and marriage are hard work but definitely worth the battle.

  14. What an interesting topic! I delved into soul mates while working on my novel ALL I EVER WANTED because the heroine fell in love and married, but her husband was tragically murdered. She felt that she couldn't love again because he was her soul mate...the one destined for her. However, the hero shows up looking like her departed husband and is more perfect for her in every way. Not only do they love, but they complete each other in a way that she and her husband couldn't.

    I do believe in soul mates, that there is one person who is the other half that completes you. But I also believe in true love...how could I write romance if I didn't? For me the concept is a blending of the two, though being married to that soul mate/true love can be hard work it was worth the time it took to find him/her. It took me 10 years to get to the "I do"!

  15. Lilly, I do believe there are soul mates. It's possible to fall in love and marry and probably be pretty happy without the person being your soul mate. While I think there is only one "other half of your soul" there may be many with whom one might find happiness. Fortunately, I am married to my soul mate.

  16. I have to say that I do not believe in soul mates. I believe that is is God who truly completes us. I believe we are all capable of giving love unconditionally, but only when we make God part of the equation. I think that we can always find a true friend and lover, but we can only share that explosive Love that was intended in the sanctity of marriage when we are lovers of God. By making Him the head of the household, we are able to lay upon Him the burderns that tear down relationships and makes them unbearable, wornout, and stressful. That is not to say that any relationship is easy, but allowing Him to bear the biggest burdens, allows us to cast our cares upon Him an dlove one another through thick and thin. You are right ICorinthians lays out the true definition of Love and we can spend a lifetime with that one person that Gid has chosen for us if we are parient and wait for that relatiosnhip he has in store for us. together all things are possible to them that Love God. When we learn to trust Him, we ultimately learn to trust and Love as He loves

  17. I believe in love at first sight , soul mates and kindred spirits. I fell in love at first sight and it was 2 years before I met him. We had our first date on Christmas Eve 1955 and were engaged Feb. 19th 1956 and married April 27th 1956. We were very young and had on "rose colored glasses" the important thing is the love, commitment,respect and joy in each other was there when the glasses fell off. We have been married 54 years this April and he just told me a story about him seeing a movie when he was 12 about Joe Palooka whose wife bore my name. He said he hoped and dreamed that some day he would find his Ann and that when we met he knew he had. We have grown together and each encouraged the other to grow. Love has many stages and each one tho different is deeper and stronger. Love is like a pitcher that cannot be emptied. The more you give love the more you have to give. It's all the little things that bind you together for life. I hope if I go first he will find another love who will bring him joy and happiness until he joins me in Heaven where we will both wait for her. I know he feels the same if he goes to his reward first.

  18. I agree with Kay V. I believe we are all capable of giving love unconditionally, but only when we make God part of the equation.When we learn to trust God, we ultimately learn to trust and Love as He loves. I lost my parents when I was a teenager, and have lost loved ones over the years, my husband showed me unconditional love, and helped me learn to trust God. When I lost my husband, God was by our side and my faith in God has sustained me these last ten years.

  19. Great post, Lilly. I do believe in soul mates but not in the way they're portrayed in movies and books. I believe that we make connections to people in our lives and if that connection is profound, we find them in subsequent lifetimes.

    I do agree with you, though, that we should not wait around for someone else to make us happy. We need to see to our own happiness and then invite another in to share it with us.

  20. Good arguments both for and against the soulmate theory. In a court of law, I think I could be swayed either way. lol! But my take-away from this post is that people still believe in true and lasting love. It gives me hope for this crazy world.

  21. Since you asked, I think we have more than one option for a soul mate. People die. People choose wrongly. People run away in fear. This was a great article. Thanks for writing it!

  22. Well said, Accurate...esp. about people choosing wrongly. In the words of Tina Turner, "What's love got to do with it?" Sometimes, nothing. Sometimes, no matter how much one person loves another, if the relationship is harmful then it needs to end. There IS more than one person out there. People just need to learn the difference between hanging on to the hopeless and letting go.

  23. I do not believe in the idea of soul mates. I think some people spend too much time trying to find "the one", or trying to hang on to them, that they miss out on love and being happy. What happens when we fall out of love with our soul mate? What if we never meet them? What if the person we are with isn't "the one"? What if my soul mate is already married to someone else?

    I believe we can have more than one love in our life. I love my husband, but I do not believe had we not married that I would never love or never marry.